Swords, sorcery, muscles, and loincloths—this gloriously sweaty, unapologetically un-PC adventure-fantasy casts Ahnold (in his star-making role) as the titular prehistoric strongman, hell-bent on avenging the death of his parents at the hands of snake cult leader Thulsa Doom (Jones). Von Sydow shows up as the gray-bearded King Osric, who enlists Conan’s help in rescuing his daughter.